Never let them see you sweat

For years, I’ve walked the streets.
Rain, snow, cold weather or hot, I’m out there daily with my headphones on, listening to Pacifica Radio or NPR — talk radio keeps my mind occupied.
Last Saturday morning, I was home following the big snow storm. Flipping the TV channels, I turned to Discovery Health and found “Total Body Sculpt With Gilad.”
It was a reunion of sorts for me — I used to do Gilad Janklowicz’s shows “Bodies in Motion” and “Basic Training the Workout” since age 19, when I first began really getting into shape.
I managed to lose 30 pounds back then and get fit enough to run 5K races.
After two kids and cresting my 40th year, walking 30 minutes a day just doesn’t do it anymore.
I poured T a big bowl of Froot Loops Yogurt Smoothie and told him to stay in the kitchen. (“Sweetened multi-grain cereal with yogurty-covered cereal pieces! Good source of calcium! 7 vitamins and minerals!”)
Dinosaur city and the multi-car pileup were swept to a table at the edge of the room.
T giggled between mouthfuls as I pumped my arms and marched to warm up.
“I’m very glad you joined us today in sunny Hawaii,” Gilad said. “Pick up your light weights and get into the squatting position.”
I got about two sets in before T scrambled to my side, eyes glued to the screen, and started to reach — side to side.
A string-bean-skinny 4-year-old doing pilometrics put me to shame.
I doubled my efforts.
“Now, shotput arms! Keep your chest raised, your abdominals in, and pivot to the side, keeping your knees slightly bent!” Gilad screamed over the crashing surf.
A wind surfer floated by, his body a "C".
“Auughh!” I screamed, my waist burning.
That old love/hate feeling returned.
“Awww! When is this going to be over? I have to go poopy!” T complained.
“Just go,” I huffed. “Ask Daddy to wipe you.”
T ran to the bathroom, then ran back out after a minute.
“There’s a commercial. You can wipe me,” he said, happily.
Great. I’m supposed to be “working through the break.” I’m sure Gilad would blanch at what I was doing. I think he meant biceps, not buttocks.
Floorwork — time for the abdominals.
“On your back, press your lower back into the floor, and lift to the count of two ...”
T picks this moment to take a running leap onto my stomach.
Now I remember why I haven’t done this in 11 years. The dreaded little-boy abdominal tackle.
T can’t resist the temptation of jumping on my back when I’m on all fours cleaning under the couch. Why am I surprised?
The good news? I got through that workout in one piece.
Naturally, I was sore as heck the next day, and felt like I was in 100 pieces. Still, today — five straight early morning “Total Body Sculpt” workouts later, every muscle in my body aches.
I’ve read it takes 21 days to start a habit.
Check back with me in 16 more.
I might even start to resemble those ladies who stand behind Gilad, in black Spandex pants and scoop-neck red halter tops, grinning while exercising, in perfect form — never even breaking a sweat.